I once found a frog in my washing machine
It gave me a bit of a fright
Though it came out much cleaner than when it went in
It wasn’t the prettiest sight.
But I much prefer frogs to their cousins the toads
Who are spreading all over our land
They were brought here to clean out the sugar cane beetles
A decision I can’t understand.
For the beetles are up in the tops of the cane
And toads cannot jump quite so high
So they travel around and spread like the plague
They are an affront to the eye.
Now I’ve heard of a dish called Toad in the Hole
The thought of it makes my flesh creep
The only hole for a toad that I’d entertain
Is one that’s at least six feet deep.
There are many and varied ingenious ways
To try to get rid of this pest
There are traps, there are poisons, although it sounds cruel
I find that a golf club’s the best.
Just stand back and swing, and the toad is airborne
It flies with the greatest of ease
Who cares where it lands, just so it’s not close-
Preferably up in some trees.
A toad on the road is easy to dodge
Or flatten, whatever you will
But one in the house is repulsive enough
To make you feel terribly ill.
Oh, horror of horrors, only last night
When my better half went to the shower
There was a toad sitting next to the loo
It could have been our finest hour
For we dazzled the creature with science
And threw a towel over the toad
With it wrapped up quite securely
We flung it on high
And it sailed over the road
Now you know what to do if a toad finds your loo
And settles down just for a snooze-
Get rid of the beast it won’t hurt in the least
If you manage to swig down some booze.