You’ve just cut yourself while shaving

It sometimes happens in your life

And you’re hoping for some sympathy

From your own darling wife.

 Instead of warm and tender words

For all the blood you’ve spilled

She turns on you an angry look

That leaves you feeling chilled.

You were trying to be helpful-

Putting clean sheets on the bed

But your crimson gore splashed on it -

Well, you might as well be dead.

 Through the mattress cover

And underneath it went

While you tried to clean the blood away

Your energy you spent.

But all in vain, for she took over

And you took the hint and left

In spite of your good intentions

You were feeling quite bereft.

So she cleaned it and her hair-dryer

Just finished off the job

While you were feeling useless

And something of a slob.

Both of you then saw the funny side

And it was cause for mirth

From now on you’ll give bed-making

The very widest berth.

You’ll never cut yourself again,

But it may make you look weird

If, instead of shaving,

You decide to grow a beard.